She's still gone. No surprise there. I'm still getting used to the fact that Layna's not in the house whenever I wake up, or when I come home. My mom's even the mistake of calling out her name from force of habit. She broke down crying every time she did it. Alan, on the other hand, just does his work at home. I don't even see him for most of the day. Only time I've seen him even move from there is when he goes outside to look at the forest. He'll shout sometimes. With other times he drinks some beers on the porch, which is a good time to not go near him.
Alan never hit Layna, but he had it in for me. I dealt with his bullshit before and after she was born. I was his child servant, doing all the work and chores around the house, and getting my ass beat if I didn't do them to his standards. I'd tell my mother that I got into a fight, but things stopped when I was around 12. When she came home from picking up my sister from preschool, she happened to stumble upon him punching me across the face for not raking the backyard. I told her about how he always hurt me, and she gave him an ultimatum. Either he stops or she leaves. You can see how that turned out.
Eh. It's 5AM. I should be sleeping. Ran out of Benadryl so I'm going to try to sleep naturally.
Here's to hoping I don't dream.
5/24/11
Sickness
I hate being sick. I've had to stay in this house for the last three days because Alan "wanted us to stay together in a time of need", and since the first day I got back I've been coughing like crazy and I've had nosebleeds as often as I use the restroom. The stress of things doesn't help my mood. I haven't gotten any restful sleep. My nightmares of old are reoccurring, and some new ones about Layna popped up in my subconscious. I'm tired, agitated, and afraid. Plus I've noticed some guy outside of my house at night by the gazebo, which isn't helping my mood. Looks like one of those FBI guys. I'll try to get a picture if I can, but for now I need to try and sleep this off and hopefully not have nightmares. Benadryl, take me now.
5/20/11
Never There
I'm barely home anymore. I try to go hang with friends as much as possible. I even stayed over at my friend Kelly's house, but I'd always wake up in a cold sweat and screaming. She understood because of what happened; where as I felt like a weirdo and didn't want to bother her with my mental instability. I've been taking Benadryl (AKA Diphenhydramine for any medical enthusiasts) to help with sleep, but I fucking hate doing it. I get the weirdest fucking dreams.
Shit, the other night when I was at Kelly's, I even had the same dream Layna told me about. The only difference was the location. All I remember was that I was in what appeared to be a dark room. There was a man in front of me as I was lying on the floor. Every fiber of my being told me to go to him. That would've happened till someone stopped me. I couldn't recognize the person, but they seemed familiar to me. Then everything felt warm and then I woke up. My pulse was racing, I was out of breath, I had chills. For some reason I felt terrified.
Right now I'm home. My mother called me and told me if I didn't come back every three days, she'd ground me till everything was back to normal. Like that will happen. They've already given up on her. On the rest. The FBI is searching elsewhere out of state on false leads and lies. Nothing's turned up. Whoever took her got away with it.
Honestly, I hope she had a quick end. I'd rather her not suffer anymore than she could. I don't want to think about the other possibilities...
I'm so sorry Layna. I really am.
Shit, the other night when I was at Kelly's, I even had the same dream Layna told me about. The only difference was the location. All I remember was that I was in what appeared to be a dark room. There was a man in front of me as I was lying on the floor. Every fiber of my being told me to go to him. That would've happened till someone stopped me. I couldn't recognize the person, but they seemed familiar to me. Then everything felt warm and then I woke up. My pulse was racing, I was out of breath, I had chills. For some reason I felt terrified.
Right now I'm home. My mother called me and told me if I didn't come back every three days, she'd ground me till everything was back to normal. Like that will happen. They've already given up on her. On the rest. The FBI is searching elsewhere out of state on false leads and lies. Nothing's turned up. Whoever took her got away with it.
Honestly, I hope she had a quick end. I'd rather her not suffer anymore than she could. I don't want to think about the other possibilities...
I'm so sorry Layna. I really am.
5/14/11
5/3/11
She's gone.
I almost forgot I had this again... There's just no words that can describe how terrible and hectic it's been lately. Especially Easter.
We had family and friends over for Easter and when they started the Easter egg hunt.. They thought some of the kids got lost in the woods around here and it's not like it's that big of an area. We looked around for the ones that were missing but we couldn't find any of them. Four of them are gone. Including Layna. My parents called the police after the search, but they were a bit short on manpower and only sent one cop out here. The officer asked a couple of questions, taking time with everyone individually before heading back to her squad car. She pulled me aside and asked if there had been any home problems with my parents, of if I knew anything about the others. Of course, I didn't really know anything about the other adults. I told her about some of the personal issues we've had lately and about how Layna had been acting strange before this happened. After that, she went back to her car for about an hour before some black vans pulled up. The FBI took over the investigation from that point.
Turns out that a mass of kids suddenly went missing around the same area of town on the same day. There's been a manhunt for kidnappers, child molesters, etc. It hurts every time I see Layna's name on the list of kids they show on the news or in the newspaper, wondering what might have happened to her. It's been almost two weeks. My mother and step-dad have been frantic and hysterical, getting into fights about him and if there was any problems with him and Layna. He had been questioned by the FBI and Police about the drawing she made, but so were the rest. From what I overheard from my mom one night, the kids who disappeared had been drawing similar pictures. The lawmen think that it's a drawing of whoever took them, but they're not really that detailed and there's not a definite face to go off of just from those. Otherwise, they don't have any current leads.
I've just stayed in my room, only going to work when necessary. Bought a new doorknob with a lock so they don't keep barging in my room with shit. I'm tired of it. I'm fully aware they have no hope for me. Layna was their good child that was going to do wonders. They weren't vocal about it, but you can tell. It's not like they don't care about her, it's that they care too much. I wonder what she must have felt being suffocated by them all the time.
I may have given the impression that me and her are close. Not really the case here. The age gap makes things awkward. She talks to me if she needs something, but we don't really talk often which was why I was surprised when she told me about that dream. I care though. I'm not an unfeeling bastard because she's only related to me by my mother.
I don't know what to think anymore. Things like this should never happen...
We had family and friends over for Easter and when they started the Easter egg hunt.. They thought some of the kids got lost in the woods around here and it's not like it's that big of an area. We looked around for the ones that were missing but we couldn't find any of them. Four of them are gone. Including Layna. My parents called the police after the search, but they were a bit short on manpower and only sent one cop out here. The officer asked a couple of questions, taking time with everyone individually before heading back to her squad car. She pulled me aside and asked if there had been any home problems with my parents, of if I knew anything about the others. Of course, I didn't really know anything about the other adults. I told her about some of the personal issues we've had lately and about how Layna had been acting strange before this happened. After that, she went back to her car for about an hour before some black vans pulled up. The FBI took over the investigation from that point.
Turns out that a mass of kids suddenly went missing around the same area of town on the same day. There's been a manhunt for kidnappers, child molesters, etc. It hurts every time I see Layna's name on the list of kids they show on the news or in the newspaper, wondering what might have happened to her. It's been almost two weeks. My mother and step-dad have been frantic and hysterical, getting into fights about him and if there was any problems with him and Layna. He had been questioned by the FBI and Police about the drawing she made, but so were the rest. From what I overheard from my mom one night, the kids who disappeared had been drawing similar pictures. The lawmen think that it's a drawing of whoever took them, but they're not really that detailed and there's not a definite face to go off of just from those. Otherwise, they don't have any current leads.
I've just stayed in my room, only going to work when necessary. Bought a new doorknob with a lock so they don't keep barging in my room with shit. I'm tired of it. I'm fully aware they have no hope for me. Layna was their good child that was going to do wonders. They weren't vocal about it, but you can tell. It's not like they don't care about her, it's that they care too much. I wonder what she must have felt being suffocated by them all the time.
I may have given the impression that me and her are close. Not really the case here. The age gap makes things awkward. She talks to me if she needs something, but we don't really talk often which was why I was surprised when she told me about that dream. I care though. I'm not an unfeeling bastard because she's only related to me by my mother.
I don't know what to think anymore. Things like this should never happen...
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